My Mission, part 1

It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my entire life. Many times I had heard the cliché that if you really love someone, you have to let them go. I understood that and agreed. But I never thought I would have to experience it. I admit that it is one of the many reasons I chose not to have children of my own. I didn’t think I was emotionally strong enough to deal with motherhood and the pain that comes with it. Some have called that selfish or a cop out. Perhaps that is true. But at the same time, I never really had that mother instinct. I never even played with dolls as a child. Are there certain things that God simply wants some people to experience, regardless of the decisions they make otherwise? It seems so in my case. My husband and I had discussed having children many times, before and after our wedding.  Neither of us was very drawn to the idea. Our perfectionist natures didn’t want to bring a child into this world. Furthermore, we had radically different ideas regarding child rearing and discipline. I suspect that another reason was our fear of failure. We always came back to the notion that we would probably change our minds.  We never did. Fortunately, we have never regretted our decision. I do remember reading about thousands of orphaned Nicaraguan children during the Sandinista Revolution in the early 80s. I told my husband that I would be willing to adopt one of those children. I had always had a heart for the Latino people and been drawn to the Spanish culture. He was not too keen on the idea, so the matter was dropped. Not a problem, as I was very busy with my business and my big-city lifestyle. Then, after 20 years of marriage, she came into my life. I didn’t welcome her; I didn’t want her. I saw the whole thing as an inconvenience and an embarrassment. Little did I know what a blessing she would be and just how much I could love someone that I did not give birth to, who is not mine, and who is not even related to me.  I was about to be swept away with intense love, compassion, obligation, and a sense that she had been given to me by God to take care of.

3 thoughts on “My Mission, part 1

  1. I very much look forward to Part II of your Mission. I’m trying to guess at what direction your going: adoption? foster parenting? godparenting? Wherever you go, I’ll follow, looking forward to part two.

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